Sharing
by MissCrookedSmile
Summary: Lois needs some marital advice – for the bedroom. And who better to discuss human/superhero coitus with then the master himself: Bruce Wayne.


"I was surprised to get your invitation" Bruce began in a joyous tone. Lois caught herself wondering how the same man was able to speak in the high baritone of Bruce Wayne and the near Octavist growl of a threatening Batman, but before she could form her stray thought into a question, a waiter entered the secluded area of the restaurant:

"Is there anything else we can help you with today, Mr. Wayne?"

"Actually, I was wondering whether you had an outlet somewhere near the table" he pulled something similar to a phone charger from a pocket inside his jacket. "I expect an important call."

"Of course, sir" the waiter said while stepping back. He made a hand gesture towards the tall plant placed nearby the table: "Right behind the Dracaena".

"Thank you" Bruce said convincingly as he stood up. Before the waiter could object to the wealthy man plugging his charger into the wall himself, Bruce pulled out a wad of bills from his back pocket and placed in the hand of the surprised younger man.

"Could you make sure our lunch doesn't arrive in the next 30 or 40 minutes? And that we are not disturbed until then?"

Too happy to comply, the waiter eagerly spouted "Yes, SIR!", but Bruce continued.

"And I would appreciate if you share the good fortune with your colleagues, letting them know to give us privacy as well. Understood?"

Lois' skin crawled when she saw Bruce's sleek smile and raised brow. He might as well have said: "I plan on having sex on your well set table and would hate for you to bother me".

"Of course, sir! You will not see a living soul for the next 30 minutes – I guarantee it!" His awkward blink only made the situation worse. Somehow the infamous Bruce Wayne managed to top it:

"Atta boy!" he said before sending the waiter on his way with a smile and a strong pad on the back.

Bruce immediately ducked down next to the houseplant to plug in what Lois was almost certain was anything but a phone charger. He revealed she suspected right when he reseated at the table.

"Scrambler" he explained while Lois took a zip of her expensive cocktail. She didn't quite get the name of the drink, but she heard the waiter explain that it had buckthorn and ginger in it - and that it cost a fortune.

"We can talk now" he continued in a lower baritone as he poured out his expensive drink, something with blueberry and rosemary, in the green plant next to him. He poured himself a galls of the French mineral water instead.

"Good. This is rather private" she calmly stated, trying to establish eye contact. She didn't succeed but decided to continue her intro anyway:

"I want to talk to you about my sex life."

Bruce was suddenly coughing through his gulp of Evian like a mad man, and when he finally regained control of his throat, he looked at her with amazement.

"Excuse me?"

She took some pride in the fact that she was able to shock the world's greatest detective.

"I need to talk about something in me and my husband's sex life. You know how Smallville is, cringing by the mere mention of the subject."

Bruce let a hand run through his black flourished hair as he tried to regain control of his thoughts. Lois wondered whether he died it to leave out the grey, or whether he was just born to be and stay handsome.

"Shouldn't you rather discuss this with a couple of girlfriends while doing some shoe shopping?" he tried.

"Yes. But we have all been so busy ironing our men's shirts and breastfeeding our children that we just never had the time." She rolled her eyes while lifting her drink yet again. "Honestly, Bruce. Turn down the stereotyping."

"Point" he gave her that, "but I am … I am _not_ … Why would you?..." he stopped completely to construct the right sentence in his head. "I am not the most obvious person to discuss such matters with."

"On the contrary, you are the most logical choice."

She had his attention now. The word "logical" worked on the bat like a cleavage did on most men: He couldn't turn away.

"You and I have a history for one, making it easier to discuss certain matters."

"Others would argue that would only make things more complicated" Bruce pointed out, trying his luck with another sip of water. "And we only did date for a couple of weeks years ago."

"As I remember it, you managed to acquire a substantial amount of expertise in that specific area during a relatively short time frame."

His eyes smiled almost as vividly as his lips.

"Flatter will get you nowhere" he pointed out, but she could see that wasn't so. He and Clark had this friendly feud going on, and she knew Bruce would love to hear he had been able to please her in the same way a Kryptonian super being was.

"Besides, you are probably the only 'mortal' I know, who knows Clark's secret and have hit a home run with a meta yourself."

The frown began to lift from Bruce's face. She did have a point.

"Perhaps even more than one meta, if my reporter instincts are right" she teased.

"A good reporter should know better than to listen to gossip of bored capes."

She leaned in, her trademark curiosity engulfing her whole being.

"Come on, Bruce. You said yourself that no one can hear us and I promise not to tell any tights about this" she leaned in even closer, her lips barely an inch from his ear.

"How many?"

He politely leaned back in his chair and a smug smile filled his face: "A gentleman never tells."

She scuffed: "Gentleman."

"What's your game, Lane?" a little of the bat crept into his voice as he made his fingertips meet in a thoughtful gesture.

She decided to give up – for now!

"Any who, I need some tips regarding meta-sex that will not bore my super husband or shatter my every bone. And you seemed like the right person to ask."

"I haven't really had any 'experience' with Kryptonians or supermen…" he tried, desperate to wriggle out between Lois' determined questions, but he of course could not.

"But your relationship with an Amazone that can fly and lift whole buildings might have given you a list of tricks I can use to my benefit."

Okay, she crossed the line. She could see that. Bruce and Diana's relationship was complicated at best. Nothing had ever been official, but she was 99% sure that something had happened. Even more than once. Clark had of course denied it, thinking the mere subject was ridicules. But she had seen them share looks. And she had seen how those looks had forced the two strongest warriors in the world to flush and look away.

"Maybe I should ask for the check" the growl of a near Batman stated. She put a calming hand on his arm.

"I didn't mean to offend you… It is just so obvious! I mean, everyone close to you must have noticed…"

He pulled his arm back: "Diana and I are close friends. That's all." A hint of something spread across his face. Regret? Sorrow?

"I didn't mean the two of you were getting married," Lois tried. "Just that you have shared a bed at one time or another. And that you somehow walked out of there alive." She tried the flattery again: "If Batman is just as persistent as Bruce Wayne, I can't imagine she got out of that bed unsatisfactory either."

She forced a little smile in the corner of his mouth.

"Never a bed…" he answered, letting the hint of a grin spread to a full smirk he chose to only share with his drink.

She lifted her glass again, relieved.

"And that is why I came to you."

He let his tongue examine the corner of his mouth while starring at the table. Speculating. He concluded the string of thoughts by raising his glass as well and emptying it.

"Alright. What do you want to know?"

She did a little victory dance inside her head as she pulled up a notepad from her purse. Bruce saw that it was filled with questions.

"Are you going to take notes?"

She ignored him completely, her eyes staying glued to the page in front of her.

"First of all, what is dangerous? I mean, I want to excite him, but I want to be able walk into work the next day."

"He will never hurt you" Bruce calmly stated. "You should never worry about that."

She paused by the gentle and respectful tone in his voice. It made her smile, but she of course didn't give up:

"Let me turn the question around then: Have you ever been hurt during the act?"

"Yes, but not just by methas" he calmly stated. "Humans can be quite fierce too." Suddenly it felt like the three scratches on his back itched like crazy. He ought to give Selina a call.

"Let's let the talk stay within super-facilities, shall we?" she suggested, eager to get the answers she wanted before their bought half an hour of privacy ran out.

He paused to think. His eyes trailed passed her and sought the left corner of the room. She got a weird sense that he was counting something.

"Pressed ribs, an arm pulled out of its socket, a small fracture on the pelvis and only two minor damages in my genital area, as I recall."

She was more than mildly impressed – both by the list, the images in her head she believed had led to those injuries and the cool tone in which he told her. But she had hoped he would just have said "Nope, nothing to fear there".

"Wow" she ended up saying surprised half a minute too late, letting her lips stay in the shape of the last sound of the word. When he noticed he had frightened her, he decided to continue:

"My 'partners' have had more of a-" he hesitated in order to find the proper word: "more of a 'temper', than Clark has. More controlled by their emotions and the heat of the moment then I expect he would ever let himself be."

He softly put a hand on hers to make her look him in the eyes. He was smiling, a warm penetrating smile, that filled her with the sense of safety and confidence. She suddenly understood why all those Robins kept by his side for all these years.

"You have nothing to fear from him."

She returned the smile and he pulled his hand back in order to lean back in his chair. She scribbled some quick notes as he added:

"And some of those injuries were basically my own fault…"

She let her curiosity kick in yet again: "Okay, now you have to tell me how!"

He took a deep breath.

"Let's just say that when a metha demands you to be 'rougher', it might be a good idea to calculate your next move. Besides – some of my injuries were due to the fact that part of me was inside a body with super strength that experienced muscle spasms."

He couldn't help himself. As he took a sip of his drink, he whispered almost inaudible: "Repeatedly…"

"You will of course not experience that particular problem" he concluded.

She rather liked this side of Bruce. She knew he was proud but he rarely bragged. Not when he wasn't 'in character' as the famous playboy billionaire anyway.

"Okay. But what does your bat-mind tell you I should lookout for in my particular situation?"

He didn't have to think this time. Instead he reached out for her notepad and pen.

"May I?"

She handed over the notes and watched him turn to a blank page.

"It might be a wise idea for you to be in control when he reaches climax. That's when most of them forget how strong they are compared to you and therefore might indivertibly hurt you unintentionally."

He started sketching stickmen and –women in very compromising postures when a server turned around the corner.

"Here you are Madame et Monsieur-" but Lois tuned out before she could hear his presentation of the gourmet meals. Bruce handed her the pad under the table, and gave the waiter a proper respons:

"Perfect timing, Jean-Paul - as always."


End file.
